December 5th
Today I received another followup email outlining coaching goals to discuss on the 6th. Very simplified, they are:
- Create a outline to define fulfillment factors to gain a clear understanding of your true self, and clarify the gap between your dissatisfaction and happiness.
- Using #1, brainstorm new career ideas and options towards narrowing to best fit.
- Work to break down doubts or barriers. To understand the nature of your feelings, struggles, and tools to improve your daily experience career-wise.
- Create action steps.
December 6th
All our coaching sessions are scheduled after work for me, and in the morning for Stacy, since I am in Saudi and my coach is on the east coast. It’s the only way to marry my free time with her work time, so thankfully the times work out not to be midnight for either of us.
Our first visit included a lot of me venting, and asking questions, and Stacy outlining how things will work.
Our first two items were to arrange for our “safe word” which for me is going to be FOCUS, for those times when we’re off track (or I’M digressing randomly..hahaha). Secondly she explained that at the end of each visit I’m to come up with the one major learning point I got out of the session that struck me strongly.
One thing we discussed, which is a big issue for me, is the evil little self-doubting thoughts that lurk in our minds telling us we ‘can’t’… Cognitive distortions and irrational fears.
Then again, how do we know it’s irrational, if its possible?
I am really focused on awareness, psychology is an interest, but I do need to be more aware of my personal cannot’s, recognizing when they’re really will not’s that will eventually happen when it’s my choice to make them happen, but could reasonably happen sooner if I take control of myself. For me this is a huge issue. I don’t often think I can’t, without having a reason why, but am very prone to not doing things until I’M ready and the stars align. Then I can do magic. But sometimes that takes years.
So I’m assigned an activity, homework, to draw my little evil friend and then burn or shred him and throw him away.
I love this. I read and listen to podcasts on shamanism, which is based on imagery, and this sort of action really does work. —I’ll admit now 2 months later that I didn’t physically do this activity, but I did it in my head and that still works for me as my imagination now is almost as solidly real to me as it was when I was a child.
We discussed the major personal demons that prevent me from achieving success.
- Procrastination
- Communication
- Lack of organization/balance
- Lack of focus
- Anger/frustration/negative habits.
In terms of lack of focus, Stacy asked if this is on purpose. My reply – yes, I tend to be “minimal effort girl” or emotionally cannot get myself to do certain things when the environment isn’t ideal. Some of my memory issues and loss of brain power is real cognitive decline from loss of health and poor diet, but likely some is defensiveness. In fact I know it is. It always has been, since I was a kid. And I know exactly why, but let’s just say it’s my pattern.
One step in my coaching process is to make tiny changes, rather than leaping into unsustainable change à la New Years Resolutions. These changes this week were:
- Starting to exercise again
- Find a physical symbol I can use to help focus (I broughts a handful of these to Saudi with me, so I know what I can use already)
- Creating a peaceful and positive space for myself at home (and work). I also have already done this at home, but one step I can take is to maintain and clean it up more often, so it feels fresh, which often improves my outlook.
As always, Stacy had observations to offer, based on what I’d written in answer to questions, and what I’d said this visit.
- I’m the object that doesn’t fit in my Chiropractic world.
- I live in imagination and thought.
- I can process input and send out colors and sparks that are unique. I see things differently.
- I am expressive, and verbal.
You know, it’s a silly thing, but hearing positive observations about yourself, observations from a relative stranger untinged by the contempt of familiarity, is definitely uplifting.
Homework for this week?
- Write a likes/dislikes narrative for each past job.
- Write accomplishments. Pick 5, and write descriptions and why they’re my highest accomplishments.
- Write a list of peak experiences where I was very happy, pick a few and explain.
The first is easy (and likely to be long), the second…hmmm. This last one I already knew was going to be very hard for me…
My major learning point this session, the thing that struck me most, was the question of whether my lack of focus is simply me losing my mind with age (and iffy health) or a form of defensiveness to protect myself when I’m unhappy or underperforming.
