Two days after Christmas I met again with my coach via Skype. Today was a day to discuss some of the mini-changes in my approach to the world. Macro-changes, bigger efforts here at work, aren’t really necessary right now because this won’t be my home forever.
The first, as always, is modifying my negative thinking, re-framing my assessment of situations. Stacy suggested I be creative in finding the positive in a situation – I don’t naturally voice the bright side since my mind always considers first what needs to be fixed.
The second mini change discussed referenced my inability to soft-persuade people towards my perspective. You know…the way that successful wives have their husbands wrapped around their fingers because somehow the husband always thinks the decisions she’s finally gotten him to make were his idea…?
Yeah, I suck at that.
I don’t like lying or using subterfuge to get my way, especially if I’m right or the path is obvious. If I try, I’m desperately clunky about it, irritable, and always seen through. I get anxious and stressed watching the behavior of people on TV (Scandal, Walking Dead) because I cannot comprehend anyone feeling it normal to behave that way. How does it make the world better?? I have difficulty relating to people who don’t see what’s real, what’s right, or an obvious path. I don’t know how to reflexively and gently coax people in a direction. I know how to state a point and then look and wait for others to get it.
My work on this second mini-change is to learn to illicit a different response from obstacle-people. My homework was to go to work and get to know people better (gah! augh! I feel like Lucy…augh, germs! disease! infection!). To learn them and teach myself to see them differently.
I prefer to know and get to know people at my own pace, in an organic way, naturally and authentically. I prefer to cultivate interest only in directions and people I find interesting. Small talk is not my strength and maintaining attention in a forced conversation – not interested. I sound like a peach, don’t I?
I don’t like people who brag about their ugly traits, and that’s not what I’m doing with my coach (or in these posts). I’m just trying to be as forthright about who I am as possible because in order for this process to work, it has to be honest.
Stacy asked me – to what degree do I want to work with other people?
I prefer to work in a close group of 10 people or less, and preferably not a unit of a huge overpowering organization.
Would I like to work behind the scene or be the public face of an organization?
My answer, absolutely and for many reasons, is that I’m better behind the scenes especially in situations that require popularity or social potency to engage the public.
Next we discussed how I feel about management, using the example of a job for which I’d recently applied in a hotel spa.
In this I am even clearer. I am not talented with finance, dislike red-tape and the bottom line is not fascinating to me. I don’t want to be an accountant; I want to manage physical space. I would far prefer to lead employees and make decisions regarding the physical organization and functioning of a space, rather than making business decisions based on the numbers.
As Stacy commented – she hears me saying I like to create an experience. Exactly.
My coaches’ next comment was that in reviewing my work history she’d noted that I alternated between doing well in administration then a few years later I did something people-oriented. That I must have variety in my world, and that I want to be the strategist (but not numbers strategy). Yep.
What are my work vs. personal values?
I’d prefer my personal values be reflected in my work. I want to create a career opportunity that reflects who I am. So we came up with this list:
What must be honored and is worth the risks of change?
- Ethics met by the work
- Holistic impact
- Physically (and psychologically) safe for me
- Work with evolved, open minded people
- Experience quality, beauty and health.
I think the beauty idea, with regards to work, was a curiosity to Stacy because it became part of my
- Explore beauty and how it could be present in work (and within this, interview coworkers and learn about them)
- Make list of career daydreams, everything I’ve been thinking about.
- Keep adding info to my goals worksheet.
- Complete a skills assessment activity and a SWOT analysis (augh!germs!disease!math!)
- What do I mean by “beautiful” (in terms of my values)?
- Have I sought advice from a financial advisor?
- Ask my coworkers what their dream life/job would be…
My major learning point today, the thing that struck me most, was my coaches observation of the pattern of types of jobs I’ve had and how it reflects my interests.