Sometimes I feel like a headless chicken chasing it’s own tail when it comes to this blog. Originally I started this to document the process of career change, but I’m just not getting in to the flow of the documentation. Then I lost focus as I sometimes do and realized I want to have more options in design and format, which became this whole mountain of self hosting which transitioned in to yet another idea.
I started thinking, if I’m going to blog about career change, then I need to offer resources and ideas like all the Scoopit news articles I have curated when trolling the google machine for ideas about work and career. I tend to be a “helper” so rather than gathering together first what I need for this process, my first instinct was to provide as many links and resources as possible for interested people who might come across my blog.
Way to draw them in Andrea, but helping them click away sooner. hahaha.
Part of what’s humorous about that, to me, is that I always manage to turn whatever the obstacle of the day is into my current project. I easily lose sight of my process of self discovery and get wrapped up in “okay, I know a bunch of info now about how to find my ideal career, now how do I help others by getting them this information if they want it?” Funny thing is, that’s not a bad thing, wanting to helpfully disseminate info to others rather than focusing on my original mission. I know it’s a good thing. But it highlights for me how easily I lose the plot even when I’m my central character.
Now (literally weeks later) I’m realizing this little blog about documenting my career change process was never enough for me. If I’m going to document the process then why not turn this platform into a well rounded (so much as my non-techyness can) multi-disciplinary resume promoting myself.
Oh gag, I cannot believe I said that out loud. Promoting myself. I just threw up in my mouth a little. So uncomfortable, just the thought. I don’t want to promote myself. I just want to work, with cooperative people in a cooperative and mentally stimulating and healthy atmosphere. I do not want to have to plaster my face on virtual billboards to get there. But, essentially, I am now because of how I want this webpage to turn out.
So the voice in my head is perpetually telling me I’m not blogging right. It’s hilarious to listen to the voice sometimes, arguing with itself, erm, myself. Or..well…I guess the voice in my head that says I’m not blogging right is arguing with the other voice in my head that says the other voice just doesn’t know what’s going on. And I’m down below, glancing up periodically wishing I could focus long enough on one idea or project to actually figure out what idea I like best and what project is more important and that those arguing, niggling voices would start cooperating with the master plan. While the truth is that I have so many ideas and am inspired in so many directions that I want to see everything through no matter how scattered it may look to others.
You see, this blog about documenting my career change process actually turned rather quickly into yet another one of my creative projects that I want to mold into this idea I have in my head*, but because I have no bloody idea what I’m doing technically it’s really just a lab experiment gone public. 🙂
*how redundant and silly is it to actually say that I have an idea…and just fyi in case you didn’t know…it’s in my head.
I’ve managed to link to Linkedin. Cool. Today I tried to link to About.me until I realized that About.me is really just a page where they gather all your links to dozens of other social networking sites in one place. For chrissake, all I wanted was somewhere I can easily upload class presentations to link them to this blog as examples of my work. Now I’m faced with another website that wants my facebook, twitter, pinterest, smarterer and 2 dozen other accounts attached just so I can link them to this blog and …
in the end I realized one thing.
..wait. Smarterer? A social networking site where I can take tests? OMG that’s awesome. I love taking tests. I’ve actually thought about creating a site where people can find others based on answering an endless stream of questions that funnels people together who are similar… hmmm I’m just gonna click… FOCUS ANDREA.
sign. In the end I realized one thing.
I don’t want 3 dozen social media accounts. I don’t want the stress of having to know which account is for what, and to have to update them. I don’t want to discuss politics on twitter or facebook. I want to discuss politics over coffee with other humans. I don’t want people on about.me to know who I am and follow me because I have the best combo of wordpress/tumblr/twitter/whoosit and am able to express my 2013 fabulosity like the extrovert I most decidedly am not.
Because seriously. For real. WHO NEEDS a dozen social media accounts? Who has that kind of energy? Those people freak me out. 😉
I’m just here, reinventing the wheel just for fun, molding my own little slice of creativity. Simply to satisfy myself and hopefully help others and maybe, if I’m lucky, to get the attention of somebody who’ll consider me the next capable person they want to hire or work with not in spite of my bakers dozen list of ideas and current projects but because of them.
I know it seems like I spend mucho blog time venting and processing, but for me this is part of the process of purging years of the past and figuring out the best future. I learn something new every day about who I am and what I NEED or refuse to deal with in my next professional incarnation. With this come less insecurity and more self acceptance. And in the process of that I also learn more about the people around me and even my current job (because there’s no better case study for work dysfunction, believe me).
I apparently will never be able to write one of these things less than 1000 words, no matter how hard I try. 😉